Friday, April 27, 2012


I'm a movie nut. I like to watch movies. Sure I like to get outside once in awhile and do outdoorsy, active things, but most nights I enjoy just watching a movie. Or sometimes I combine them both and do some nice outdoor activity or something that involves travel, but then just end the night with a movie. That is my perfect day. Movies are awesome. I quote them all the time. Sometimes, I don't even mean to quote them. They are just so ingrained in my being that the movie lines just come out. I even wonder sometimes what heaven will be like and I like to think that we will be able to watch back our lives on  Celestial-Ray Discs  or something. I could watch some of the cool things I did. Like that time a fly was resting on my elbow and I caught it in my hand - That was pretty cool. Maybe instead of watching it on a Disc, it would be more like YouTube. Maybe I could just type in a search, such as  "That one time I caught a fly off of my elbow" and it would pop up and I could watch it and leave a comment like, "That was awesome!" (because it was). Anyway, I'm getting side tracked, back to the original point. I like movies and I've seen a lot. Maybe not as much as my amazingly awesome brother, but I've still seen a lot and I like them. Do you get what I am trying to say here?

There are a ton of movie rating systems out there, and frankly, I think they are all crap. 3 out of 5 stars. Two thumbs up! 3 out of 3 stars! 4 and 1/2 bees. If I am reading about two different movies and they both get "Two Thumbs up" how am I supposed to know which one is better? Which one get the better thumbs up (I imagine in this situation that one set of thumbs has warts and the other one doesn't. Obviously I would want to see the unwarted movie). All the different rating systems kind of remind me of those surveys that I hate to answer. The ones where they ask you to fill in one of the following circles: Strongly Disagree, Disagree, Neutral, Agree, Strongly Agree. A lot of the times, none of those answers work. It's like on Netflix, they ask you to rate movies and the choices are: Hated It, Didn't Like It, Liked It, Really Liked It, Loved It. How am I supposed to rate all my movies based on those ratings? And however I rate things on Netflix determines what kind of suggestions they will give me. How am I supposed to show my different feelings for different movies. I might " Really Like" two different movies but I like one a bit more than the other, but I don't quite "Love" the better one. What am I supposed to do in that situation, huh Netflix??

Rotten Tomatoes has found a pretty good system that I am quite satisfied with. They pull all the critic reviews from around the world (it might just be the USA, but around the world sounds cooler) and then give the movie a percentage rating based on whether the reviews were favorable reviews or bad reviews. So if the critic gives a good review, the movie would get a fresh tomato rating. If they movie gets a bad review, it gets a rotten tomato rating. Then they add all those up and take a percentage and boom, you know how good the movie is. It gives you 100 different options instead of just a few. That is a great system. So when people ask me from now on how a movie was, I will give them a number from 1 to 100. At least, that is one way I'll do it. The other way, is more of a system just for myself, but I occasionally share this rating system with others as well.

So, my rating system.... Let's call it... Mike's Movie Rating System. Or MMRS for short (I am very creative). And here it goes:

  1. I never want to watch this movie again. I will turn it off if it's on TV or leave a party if it is the movie of choice (Example: The Lorax)
  2. I didn't like this movie. I'd really rather not watch it again, but if it was on TV and I couldn't find the remote I'd watch it. Or if it was the movie choice at a social gathering, I'd stay but I'd probably play a little Where's my Water on my phone while "watching". (Example: Gulliver's Travels)
  3. I liked this movie alright. If it were on TV at some point in the future I'd set the DVR to record it. Or if it was on Netflix instant viewing I'd watch it again. (Example: Iron Man 2)
  4. I liked this movie (proceeded by a shoulder shrug). I'd buy it if it showed up in the Walmart 5-dollar bin. (Example: Clueless)
  5. I liked this movie (said with a smile, while nodding). I'd buy it if its on sale somewhere or if I have some gift cards to use. (Example: Grown Ups)
  6. I really liked this movie. I'm going to buy it as soon as its out of theaters. (Example: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol)
  7. I really really liked this movie. In fact, I may go see it again in the theaters with somebody else. (Example: Inception, The Dark Knight).
I know that seven is only two more than five stars, and with stars you can do halves and such, so that would actually make 10 different options. BUT, with my system, the possibilities are endless. You can just say how you felt about a movie (this could be a plethora of words. Such as "meh","it was fun", "cool", wobble your hand side to side in a "so-so" motion, etc etc) and then just add on what your future plans are for the movie. Its a perfect system! That's all I am saying. And now I am done. Just thought I'd share.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Nice to Meet Me

I'm at the point in my life where people are starting to question why I am not married and what I am doing to get married. I even had a couple people tell me if I don't get married soon, people might start wondering what team I am playing for (not that there's anything wrong with playing for that other team).

It's pretty simple, though, why I am not married; I have issues. I think it's pretty common knowledge. Just go look at some previous posts from this blog. I am a major procrastinator, I have a ton of old man habits even though I'm not that old (I guess this depends on who I'm talking to. Anyone older than 28 thinks I'm a youngin'. Anyone younger than 21 thinks I should get myself a walker.), I think awkward situations are quite fun, I have a bunch of SIRs (Self Imposed Rules. Maybe that'll be another blog post someday... Or you can just ask Rob), I watch a lot of TV/movies, I get obsessed with things, I have some "interesting" dating theories, and my dating life is..... well, let's say I follow in my brother's footsteps and do the general conference dating schedule.

Even with all those, I'm sure that I'll end up married. There's a butt for every seat, right? Lot's of times people get down on themselves and say how bad they suck and that nobody likes them etc etc. Y'all know how it is. I am not one of those people, I know I'm awesome! I am one of the coolest people I know. HOWEVER, I must be allergic to dating. Or maybe my mutant power (yes, I'm a nerd. why hide it anymore?) is that I transform into somebody else. I think subconsciously the reason why I only go out on dates about every six months is that my alter ego comes out every time I start down the dating path. From getting the girls number to actually going on the date, I become Date Mike.

I don't know if you saw that episode, but Michael is totally hitting it off with a girl until he realizes it's a date. Then he turns into this guy that he calls "Date Mike" and everything falls apart. That is me, I just don't do it on purpose.

I like to think that I am a pretty friendly and sociable fellow. I have long talks with my friends. I've been told that I am pretty easy to get along with. My church calling forces me (and I think has helped me) to get along with all sorts of different people. I have a few friends and a few of that few are the lady folk type. I get along pretty easy with both sexes, but I seem to get along easier with the ladies. I'm not saying that I'm a ladies man, I'm not even close to that. I just think that 83% of my communication is flirting and that seems to go better with girls. Basically, what I am trying to say is, as far as I know, I'm not socially awkward when it comes to non-dating situations. But throw me into a dating situation and my conversations end up going something like this:

I fall apart into this awkward shy guy, I become way too polite (yes, there is such a thing), I start liking things I had no idea that I liked, I forget conversations that we had earlier over the phone, I talk about really odd and random subjects and I tell a bunch of inside jokes that only I get.

And now, for some real life Date Mike examples (the names have been changed to protect the innocent.... and I forgot some of them):

The Mall Girl
I once met this girl at the mall and talked with her for quite a bit. This was back in the day when it was.... I was going to say cool, but I just realized it was never really cool to go to the mall, I just had nothing better to do..... easier to go to the mall.  I got her number and a few days later I finally worked up the courage to ask her out (I can't remember how it went, but I'm sure it wasn't good), but she must have said yes because we ended up going out. We went to a Quick Wits show for our date (which is a pretty freakin awesome Improv Comedy show). Quick Wits shows have a little intermission break in the middle of their shows, and during intermission we both got up to stretch our legs, hit the bathroom, and get a drink. While we were out in the little foyer waiting to go back into the show, I saw some old friends from school. They came over and wanted to chat it up for a bit. So I said to my date, "This is Tyler and Amanda" and then I said to Tyler and Amanda, "This is my date....uhhh........(awkward silence)........." I had completely forgotten my dates name. It was no where. I looked at her, and nothing came to mind. She was a Jane Doe. Finally, my date leaned in and said to them, "Kate....." and then to all three of us, "My name is Kate." ...... That was my last date with Shannon.

When I was just off my mission I started going to the singles ward. I started going because my Stake President asked if I would go to that ward and because that's where the girls were. And how lucky was I that one of my first singles ward activities was a pool party! So I took my farmer tanned body over to the pool party and had a pretty good time. There was a certain girl there that caught my eye, she was pretty darn cute. She seemed pretty friendly too. And we actually hung out together most of the night! And by hanging out I meant I "happened" to play volleyball at the same time she did ( I was the kid that stood in back of the court quietly on the other team) and we also ate at the same time (of course, everyone else ate at that same time too). Eventually, after everyone had left and I had finally worked up the courage and the perfect line, I asked for her number by saying "Hey Claire, I'm a boy and you're a girl. Right? Right. So I was thinking I could maybe get your number." She was very kind and gave me her number, but she was good at avoiding any future awkward conversations by not answering my calls. Did I mention I was shirtless while I asked for her number?

Texting Obsession
I got a girl's number luckily and I was pretty excited that she said yes when I asked her out. Before we went out, this is how one of our text-versations went (as far as I can remember). My thoughts will be in parenthesis (and I understand that they might not make any sense, I was in Date Mike mode).

Me: (I need to figure out if she hates any kind of food) Hey Juliet! I have a question for you.
Juliet: Hey Mike! What's your question?
Me: Any food that you absolutely hate or any rare food allergies that I should be aware of (haha... I am so funny, rare food allergies. Clever Mike)
Juliet: Not really.... Why?
Me: I don't want to take you to a place with peanuts and have you keel over. That would make for a bad first date! (hahaha. Oh Mike, you should start a stage career. You are for sure cracking her up!..... Oh wait, you said peanut place. She might think you are going to Five Guys, you better let her know that you aren't going to a peanut place)
Me: Not that we are going to peanut place. (Good, now she knows. But wasn't that kind of pointless to tell her that.... Dang. It was)
Juliet: I guess fish, but if we went to a fish place I could just get something else.
Me: (Wait..... Is she allergic to fish? Or does she just not like fish?) Wait.... Are you allergic to fish? Or do you just not like fish? (Shoot coach! Now she thinks I'm obsessed with allergies)
Juliet: I do not have any allergies that I am aware of. I am allergy free. I just don't like fish.
Me: (Yup, she thinks I'm obsessed with allergies. Say something besides allergies) You never know with them allergies! (..... dang)

And that's just a few stories. I might leave a couple more in comments if I think of them, but that's a good start. Again, I'm not complaining. There has to be some girl that is not allergic to Date Mike. I'm sure I'll eventually find a butt.