Monday, February 28, 2011

Gary Poll

Most of you are probably confused by the title. Let me explain.

A while ago, my father and I found ourselves having to socialize with some odd people and the whole thing was quite awkward. We were all sitting in a booth having a little dinner. I was sitting next to my old man when he leaned over and said, "Gary Poll."... and that was it. My dad was obviously having a little logical conversation in his head and decided to have me join in at that particular point with no other explanation. A few minutes passed (maybe it was seconds) before he realized what he had done. He then went on to catch me up on his conversation he had been having with himself.

Apparently a long time ago, mi papa was out to dinner with an old neighbor (I am not referring to the age of the neighbor, rather to the fact that he no longer lives in our neighborhood. Hence he was once a neighbor or, in other words, an old neighbor) named Gary Poll. During dinner, they got to talkin about an awkward experience that Gary had and he mentioned that while this awkward situation was playing out, all he could think about was how good of a story it would be after it was all over. Or something like that. I can't remember the exact story. Anyways, what he was trying to say was that any awkward experience is survivable because you can know that its almost always going to be a good story after.

Rob introduced this theory to me as the Gary Poll theory. I believe that this theory has been being taught for quite some time now from comedians, television, and movies.

One of the best examples is the TV show The Office, American or British (My brother wrote a little something on his blog about The Office awhile back). You also have the movie Meet The Parents. Most of Brian Regan's stories. They are all funny because of all the awkwardness.

And I think that's why my life is so awesome. Its full of awkward moments. And that just gives me plenty of good stories. So, occasionally I will share these awkward stories. And they will hence be known as Gary Poll stories. I was going to share one at the end of this post, but I starting writing all this and I changed my mind. I decided that this was enough for one post. So, moral of the story. Awkwardness will always end up making for a good story.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Why Bother?

As mentioned in the previous post, I enjoy Weezer. A lot. It's true. I think one of the reasons that I like them so much is that their songs relate a lot to how I feel and think. I could name multiple songs that I think fit me perfectly, but one of them is "Why Bother?" from their Pinkerton album (Listen to it, its good). The gist of the song is that Rivers (the lead singer of Weezer) knows he's going to get hurt so he asks "Why Bother?" or what's the point of even trying when you know its not going to end well. This song is kind of my view point on dating. Some of you might say that is not a great outlook on dating or that maybe it is even a bitter outlook.... Yup.

I've told people about my Why Bother Weezer theory and they have been confused by it or taken it the wrong way. So I thought the best way to describe it would be graphically. But as soon as I tried to put my thoughts into graph form, I realized that the whole graph idea was easier said then done. I get what my brain is saying, but its another thing to try and get my thoughts out on paper (or whatever the blog equivalent of paper is). But after talking with a few people and playing around with a few different graphs, I think I finally figured out how to graph it.

The Why Bother Line (in red above) just shows the sum of all the crappy parts of dating:

  • the awkwardness of asking for a girl's number and asking her out
  • the chance of getting shut down and the suckiness of that
  • planning the first date
  • picking the girl up awkwardness
  • the whole we're on a date awkwardness
  • spending money
  • if it ends up being more than one date then you have the define the relationship awkwardness ahead
  • if it doesn't work out, the crapiness of the break up.
  • etc.
All that summed up together equals the Why Bother Line.

For me to date a girl, all her attributes (or how smitten I am) must exceed or be above the Why Bother Line. Her attributes can include, but are not limited to: looks, personality, where she lives, her interests, smarts, (my buddy, Bubba, said to put boobs on here, but I decided against it. Because that's not appropriate. Plus I'm a stomach and legs guy), etc etc. All these attributes can contribute to the over all smitten-ness level.

#1 shows the smitten level completely empty. I don't know why I put this on there, it just seemed like a good idea at the time
#2 shows a girl who surpasses the why bother line. This girl would be datable.

#3 shows a girl who's attributes do not exceed the Why Bother Line, and so she is not datable. Why should I bother?

Make sense? I hope so. I may end up re-writing this post a few times.

I also talked about this with my good friend, Ann, and my brother, Joe. They both came up with similar ideas. My brother, Joe, sent me this graph. This is also a pretty good representation on my dating theory.

So there you go. That is my dating theory. You may think that I am picky and shallow, but is it so wrong that I want to be head over heels for the people I date? That may seem gay (not that there is anything wrong with that) but that's how it is.

By the way, I was inspired by the television show "How I Met Your Mother." Here is the clip that inspired me.

(The Pops Proviso: Although this is my general rule, I do realize that I need to date. It's something you have to do when you are a 25 and single. And so, I will occasionally date for the sake of dating. Dating's a skill and you got to keep your game up.)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Top 5

My brother's and I often talk about "our favorites." For those of you who know me, know that I enjoy music and I am listening to it most of the time. I'm constantly "learning" more about bands/singers/groups by doing a little research on their official website, Facebook page, Myspace,, YouTube (live concerts and music videos count as a learning experience, right?), and of course, the source of all true information, Wikipedia (checkout So after many hours of research and learning, I think I've whittled it down to my Top 5 Music Makers:

(note: this list is not a list of the greatest bands/musicians of all time, but a list of my favorite bands. The ones that I enjoy listening to the most)

  1. Jason Mraz.
  2. Dashboard Confessional (Sorry Joe)
  3. Reel Big Fish
  4. Blink 182 (I'm including Boxcar Racer, Angels & Airwaves, and +44 with Blink. It's my list, I can do what I want)
  5. Weezer
I would like to give honorable mention to BNL, The Beastie Boys, The Beatles, Fall Out Boy, Jack Johnson, No Doubt, Queen, Rage Against the Machine, and They Might Be Giants

There you go.

Classic Blog Post. The Kids.


Thursday, February 10, 2011